Of Skirters and Scofflaws
by Freida Right
Summary: A lovely little blurb, dedicated with love to the Pen To Paper forum, from me. I hope you all read it with exacting detail and appreciate every single second of it. ;D


Because by now, most of us are aware of the turmoil that has wracked the Home For The EdgexRydia Shippers forum. Just some metaphorical fun at the espense of some dumb teenagers. Hey, we _all _do and say stupid stuff when we're 13. Maybe one day, they can look back and laugh at all the troubke they've caused.

By the way, aren't you supposed to be 14 before you make an account here? Just sayin'...

This little blurb is dedicated especially to writergirl64 and her band of merry vigilantes. I _do _hope you children enjoy being imortalized thus forever. ;)

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_Of Skirters and Scofflaws_

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There had been a time, not terribly far behind them, when Mysidia had been somewhat known for trading horses. Not breeding, training or keeping them-just trading them between kingdoms, because the Mysidians had an excellent port and were very good at trading. Then, at some point, someone had decided to keep some of these horses in the city, because they made particularly good work animals. It had seemed like a good idea at the time, most likely.

And then... Palom and Porom understood something vague about overgrazing, and a scad of thefts, and a fire that had swept the city. Whatever the mess had been, exactly, it had gotten hilariously out of hand very quickly. They couldn't seem to find clear, cohesive accounts that cross-referenced at all; the story changed with every new source they went to.

However ridiculous and hilarious it had been, the end result was that horses were now somewhat illegal in Mysidia.

Which posed a problem, because Cecil and Rosa-unaware of this statute-had sent Porom a pony.

The twins had just turned 16; the pony had arrived among a shipment of other things a few days afterward, and had been delivered quietly and rather unceremoniously to their door. Now the Faraxhaes had a large, shaggy palmino pony in their backyard, with no real place to put it and only the grass in their small yard to feed it with.

Given the care of a large animal being in her hands, plus its mere presence being agsinst the law, Porom was very concerned. Not at all displeased-her friends in Baron knew she had always wanted a pony of her very own. It was also a happy coincidence, that the city academy's smaller students were attempting to put on a play and needed something for a princess to ride on. (Preferablymore dignified than a chocobo. Preferably.)

Still. Porom wished she could be more thrilled for her tremendous luck.

"So send it back," her brother suggested, tired of her fretting.

"I can't just send them back my birthday present, Palom. Its rude!"

"So keep it."

"But I'd be breaking the law!"

"So send it back."

"But I can't!"

"So keep it."

"But. I. _Can't!_"

"Why do you have to make everything so complicated, Porom?"

"Why do _you _have to make everything so dimwittedly simple, _Palom?_"

"Because I'm a scofflaw," he answered proudly, his hands behind his head. "Trifles like these don't bother me."

"This isnt a trifle. This is a serious law, and I'm breaking it!"

"If it were so _serious, _how come no one can even get their facts straight about it? How come we don't hear about it all the time? Nah, I can't be bothered with something that petty."

Porom elected to ignore him and focus on the problem at hand. "Oh, while I stand around fretting, someone's probably already seen the pony and made a report to the Elder. He'll come and fine me, anyway..."

However, a few days passed and nothing particularly bad seemed to happen. The neighbors certainly noticed the pony, but only smiled and offered Porom congratulations for her wish come true. The neighborhood kids all volunteered to help take care of it, because... Well, it was a freaking pony. Most of the kids were big enough, but not too big to ride it, too. With their help, Porom finally christened him Butter, and decided that perhaps the ban was outdated and forgotten. After all: there had been no fires, no thefts, no complaints, and no arrest warrants. It seemed that the only thing Butter had done was bring another measure of delight to the neighborhood.

If the Elder ever did hear about it, heck-he would probably shrug it off and forget about it. Porom even counted on her excentric uncle coming to ask if he could ride Butter, himself. She found herself more than willing to skirt the law this one time.

A few weeks passed, and life returned to normal. Palom and Porom found their backyard had become the preferred gathering place for the academy children, who were still practicing their play with the twin's volunteered help. They generally enjoyed random acts of community service like this; though with the energy of 10 to 15 seven-year-olds bouncing around their backyard, plus an easily startled pony, they wondered if this had been wise.

Today was a big day in the history of this play. Now that parts had been auditioned, haggled, cried and screamed over, and finally settled on, there was an actual script handed out. While his sister attempted to haul attention away from Butter and back to the project, Palom glanced though the dialogue:

_Princess Bedelia: Peace, my people, what troubles you?_

_Peasant: There are monsters attacking our kingdom!_

_Princess Bedelia: Oh no! Whatever shall become of the Gumdrop Kingdom?_

_Peasant: Our bravest knight should go forth to slay the monsters!_

_Peasant: But who is our bravest knight?_

_Princess Bedelia: Why, here he is now!_

_(enter Sir Harvey)_

Palom stiffled a groan, and sighed unhappily instead. It had already been decided that he and Porom would be the knight and the princess, on account of their superior hight. However, the dialogue was awful; and the fact that his character had been named deliberately after Cecil was just plain weird.

"I can't believe I'm doing this... Gumdrop Kingdom? Really?"

He looked over at his sister.

"Porom, you said you would proofread this when the kids were done!"

Porom didn't answer. She had a strange piece of paper in her hand, and she stood reading it with her fist indignantly on her hip. The children had all paused around her, marvelling at the peeved look on her face; she looked extremely displeased. Finally, she marched back to Palom pushed the paper into his face.

"Look at this-just look at this!" she fumed. "I found it tacked to our fence, next to Butter's shed."

It read this note, in an annoyingly perfect script:

_You are in violation of The Mysidian Code of Trade. If you read the charter, you will see that purchasing a horse from an outside country or kingdom is prohibited under section K37, concerning the purchase of live animals._

_To solve this problem, we reccomend that you return this animal to its country or kingdom of purchase, by consulting the Trader's Guild for direction in returning the animal in question for a refund. If problems persist, address the issue to the Elder of Mysidia for further assistance._

_If you do not comply, you may be reported directly to the authorities, and a fine will be issued. Please do not be afraid to contact the trader's guild for further advice. Thank you for your cooperation. _

_RC_

Perhaps it was merely a neighbor who was also aware of the ban, trying to caution them. However, in the twin's minds, it sounded more like a threat.

"Who the heck is this?" Palom demanded. "Didn't even have the guts to leave their name...!"

"We should let our parents know about this," Porom decided, turning back the the cluster of children. "We may have to call off rehersal this afternoon, kids. Same time tomorrow?"

"We still have cookies," Palom added when the children's faces fell.

"Why? What's wrong?" asked a little girl with adorable red pigtails and big, blue puppy-dog eyes.

"Just a little technical trouble," Porom insisted with as calm a smile as she could manage; inside, she was furious that someone would threaten her Butter. "Come on inside."

When the children were all occupied with milk and full plates of oatmeal cookies, the twin's mother, Mira, looked over the note with a critical eye.

"Well, I do know that the Crockers, a few streets over, have a daughter about your age named Riza. I believe the two of you know of her?"

The twins scowled, wondering how they could have been so dense. They were, in fact, very aware of Riza Crocker. They studied their magic with the Elder-their mother's own brother-and so did not go to school with her. But they had heard enough from their friends, who did have to endure her personally. Riza an annoying, snobby brat of a girl, with perfect blonde hair and blue eyes, and she was a white mage. The way she coyly harassed the other students was something of legend. Apparently, she had a club of likewise snobby brats who went around tattling on minor infractions, getting people into trouble for fun. They pretended to be helpful and cheery, daring to offer advice and support. But everyone knew better. Mostly, they were just bossy, nosey, and mean. It was especially maddening to the older students, because Riza was only 13 and had no problem bossing them around, or daring to offer them snide advice as if they were still in primary school.

The Crockers were also fairly well off, and Riza was terribly spoiled. She seemed to have everything a teenaged girl could want. Except now, Porom Faraxhae had a pony-the wish of nearly every little girl in the world-and thanks to the ban, Riza could never have anything to match it.

It sounded like the beginnings of a new war.

Seeing the vengeful looks on her children's faces, Mira shook her head.

"You know, the best way to deflect a teenager is to ignore her," she commented with a bemused smile. "Deny her the attention she wants out of you. She'll go away and leave you alone, when she can't squeeze what she wants out of you."

Palom wasn't satisfied in the least; he was more than prepared to burn Riza's perfect house down, if the occassion came to call for it. Porom was relieved that it could really be that simple.

"Okay, then," she agreed. To that, Mira crumpled uo the note and incinerated it with a Fire spell.

Another few weeks passed, as the twins went on ignoring the threatening note. Practice for the play resumed every afternoon after school. Palom wasn't sure how his sister remained so calm and patient about it. The lines were inane, Butter the pony was their best prop, andnit was taking the kids entirely too long to memorize their lines, queues, and gestures. And he _still _had to play a character named after his practically older brother, which was _still _uncomfortable.

How in the world Porom could stand playing a character with a stupid name like Bedelia, he still wasn't sure. Where had these kids come up with this stuff?

Luckily, they had finally come to the home stretch. There were only two more pages left to block and memorize-not that he hadn't already, _ages _ago. He read his lines over again anyway, reveling in their lameness while Porom coached the kids on their blocking.

_Sir Harvey: Fear not, my fair princess, for the final monster is at hand! I shall vanquish him with my mighty sword of truth!_

_(enter dragon monster)_

_Dragon: RAWR, I shall destroy this knight, and gobble up the Gumdrop Kingdom all by myself!_

_Sir Harvey: Never! I shall not allow this! Feel the sting of my blade, monster! _

Again, Palom groaned loudly.

"I'm not saying this."

"I wrote that line just for you," Porom retorted, knowing very well which line he was talking about.

"Yeah," giggled one of the children, "it sounds like you."

Palom was on the verge of crumpling up his script and storming away, never to be part of this project again. However, another child's voice distracted him.

"Porom, look! Another note! And it sounds angry!"

Palom went to stand by her side to see what the new note said. This hand wasn't the same as before; but it was still annoyingly perfect:

_As you were previously warned, it is forbidden to purchase and keep horses, as clearly stated in The Mysidian Code of Trade, under section K37, regarding the purchase of live animals._

_If you are having trouble rectifying this, please contact the Trader's Guild. They will assit you with instructions for returning your illegal animal to its country or kingdom of purchase. If you feel that the animal in question was purchased and/or delivered in error, please notify the Elder and his counsil as soon as possible._

_As you have recieved due notification in the past, and have been fairly warned, further disregard to this statute will leave us no choice but to report you to the authorities. Warrants will be drawn up, a fine levied, and your animal confiscated without refund._

_Thank you for your cooperation. Good luck with your future purchases._

_LB_

This time, the twins were confused. Maybe this was a serious warning after all. Maybe someone from the trade guild shared Riza's initials, and had written to them the first time. Now that they had ignored the warning, the matter had gone to someone with the power to just come and take Butter away by force. Maybe they had been wrong, and were now too late.

Perhaps it was time to talk to their uncle...

Then another little voice spoke up, "Hey! That's my sister!"

"What?" the twins demanded in unison.

"Yeah, my sister-Larissa Baker. I'd know her handwritting anywhere. She writes me notes all the time to stay out of her stuff. I go through it anyway," the child explained with a shrug.

"Is she friends with Riza Crocker?" Porom wanted to know at once.

"Oh yeah. Riza's always at our house. And when she's not, she's all Larissa talks about. I don't get it. She's not that great. She's mean."

"My sisters are always complaining about her," added another little boy. "She's had them sent to the head master for wearing gloves in class. It was cold; but it wasnt in the dress code."

"She had my brother sent to the head master for whistling in the hallways-extraneous noise is apparently distracting."

"And my sister for wearing flowers in her hair-people might have allergies."

"She said my sister was too pretty, and had her reported for wearing too much makeup-even though she wasn't."

Palom scoffed at the list of complaints that threatened to grow even longer. "Aren't there people at this school who are _paid _to deal with this stuff? Riza's jipping herself, going to all this work for nothing."

"I don't think she's doing it for nothing," Porom commented thoughtfully. "I think she just does it to make herself feel better."

"She isn't even that pretty," the last child pouted. "She should report herself for all her ugly makeup, _and _her high heel shoes. You aren't supposed to wear them, but she does anyway."

"Someone should report _her _for a change," Palom suggested.

"Everyone's afraid to. She'd just be worse."

Porom soaked it all up and considered it carefully. Maybe it was time to talk to their uncle, indeed.

Rehersal was called off again, and the twins went to see the Elder. When they arrived at the tower, their uncle looked surprised to see them.

"Back so soon?" he chuckled. "Did you forget something?"

"Nope," Palom answered. "We're actually here to file a complaint."

"Oh really? Come sit, and tell me, then."

He led them back to his study and offered them seats before his desk, standing before them to listen.

"There's a girl from the academy who's been harassing us," Porom explained.

"I see. Something to do with the pony, no doubt?"

"...How did you know?"

"I _am _your uncle. And this is _my _city to shepherd. Nothing comes in, nor goes out of this city without my knowing. Besides, your parents already explained to me that the creature is here, and well taken care of, and well recieved. I am very aware of the ban; however, as the creature has caused no trouble, I see no reason to take it from you."

"Well, someone is trying to take him away. They've threatened to report us and make us pay a fine."

"Rubbish, I say. Can you produce a name for me?"

"We're pretty sure its Riza Crocker."

"Bless me, I had hoped a child would speak up about her for once," the Elder harumphed. "I frequently see complaints from parents, whose children she has harassed. Alas, the victims themselves always deny her involvement, because they are afraid; and so, there is very little I can do. This time, it may be different."

"You bet," Palom agreed. "She picked the _wrong _people to mess with, this time."

"By the way, how is your play with the academy children coming along?" the Elder asked amiably.

"We're almost finished with rehersals, now," Porom answered, feeling proud of herself. "Its next week. Actually, Butter-my pony-is kind of the star of the show. He doesn't do much... But he is a noble enough steed for the play."

"I see," the Elder said thoughtfully, stroking his beard. "Carry on with your rehearsals, then. And pay no mind to other threats you may recieve."

"Good! So you're busting her, right?" Palom asked hopefully, causing his uncle to chuckle.

"Not yet. Allow me to study this law (if we could call it that), and I shall have a few surprises for you on opening night."

Unsure of what he meant, but most reassured, the twins returned home. The idea of _surprises _intrigued them deeply. Much like themselves, their uncle had been clever and mischievous as a boy; it was a streak he kept concealed from most people, but in his back pocket for certain moments. Whatever he had suddenly cooked up, opening night was going to be a night to remember.

By the following week, another notice had failed to appear, and no one of the trade guild had come to confiscate Butter yet, so it was safe to assume that he would be appearing on stage after all. If the play could at least go off uninterrupted, that would be terrific. On the other hand, Porom was concerned yet again. Everyone in the area who wasn't already aware of the violation would become so. What they might say about it worried her.

When opening night arrived and nothing had happened, the twins had gotten suspicious. That afternoon, when they went to the academy auditorium to set up, their suspicions were put to rest by a notice on the auditorium door. And it was writen in an all too familiar, annoying hand:

_Tonight's play has been postponed, on account of investigations concerning the questionable nature of its props. Please check back soon for more details._

Something told the twins that the headmaster had not sanctioned this, and was possibly not aware of it. Palom ripped the notice off the door, ready to rip it to shreds, but Porom stopped him.

"Wait, something's written here, on the back."

They flipped the paper over to find-of all incriminating evidence-that notes had been written back and forth on the sheet's other side over the course of the day:

_Wait, Riza, I thought of something. What if people go talk to the headmaster about this? Maybe this wasn't as thought through as we thought._

_I TOLD you we should have reported this to him first. You never listen to me._

_Calm down, you two. Its just to stall for time, so we can fill out that report sheet. That pony is a major violation of city law snd safety. Something's GOT to be done about it!_

_Nah, you're just jealous no one can buy YOU a pony for YOUR birthday. How did they even cough up enough money for it? _

_Oh my god, Marina. You can't just accuse people of being jealous. We're here to cleanse the school of needless regulation infractions, so the school will be a better learning environmemt for us. We are VERY lucky to have Riza in charge. BTW, Riza, I may have a new recruit. He wants to meet you this afternoon to discuss his initiation. He really admires what you do for this school, keeping it squeaky clean and all._

_Okay, then. Let him know, if he wants in, there's a prerequisite of 3 successful reports. Then we can let him in as a scout, and he can get promotions from there, depending on how many reports he can get. If he's really serious, we do need a new Reminder-level member. If he isn't willing to do his time with grunt work, we can't let him join. We all have to do our time, you know._

_Wow, Riza, you're SOOOO cool. This school would go to hell without you to keep it in shape. You're so calm an mature. Why can't everyone be like you?_

There was more, but the twins were too fed up to finish it. In fact, Porom thought she would throw up, it made her so sick.

"Its like they've organized tattling into a psychotic children's game " Palom fumed. "How many people do you think have seen this notice?"

"I hope very few. And I'm betting none of them thought to look on the back."

Unabashed, they proceeded into the auditorium with their equipment. The show was definitely going on, and so help them, Butter was _going _to be a part of it.

The hour before the play arrived, and, to their relief, so did the children and their parents. So maybe no one had seen the fake notice after all. Even the headmaster-who floated between the seats and backstage, keeping an eye on all things-seemed unaware that the sign had ever been there. And he was delighted about the pony, tethered safely to the backdoor until it was time for him to come on stage.

"I normally discourage live animals coming inside the building," he commented to Porom. "However, in this instance, I think it was a splendid idea. I'd rather have a pony in my school than a jittery, molting chocobo, any day."

Porom beamed at him, feeling very proud of her pony.

"Also, peer into the audience, my young friend," he suggested, gesturing to the closed curtain. "Some of our attendees may surprise you."

Surprise. The Elder had promised surprises. She pulled the far end of the curtain back a bit and looked into the growing crowd. It seemed a lot of people, for an elementary school production. There were only 15 children, each with two parents. There were far more than 30 people...

The first truly odd thing she noticed was her uncle, seated near the center of the auditorium. And perfect Riza Crocker was sitting demurely beside him, trying to enage him with an upset, disarming look on her face. Whatever she was trying to explain, he continually passed it off with an amused smile and an uninterested wave, as if he were shooing a fly out of his face.

Porom watched this nervously for a minute or two, wondering what would happen when the curtain call was announced. Long before that happened, however, a pair of instantly recognizable figures entered the auditorium, dressed in plain, nondescript clothes, as if they were nothing special. They spotted the Elder across the room, who waved them over to sit on either side of him, forcing an indignant Riza from her spot.

At the same time as she was flabbergasted, Porom felt a wave of triumph. Riza wouldn't dare contradict the Elder _and _the king and queen of Baron in one swoop. But what on earth were Cecil and Rosa doing here? How had the Elder convinced them to come? What was that man up to...?

She wondered if she should tell her brother about it...

"Don't you feel stupid in that?"

As if he had a sixth sense, alterting him to when she was thinking about him, Palom had appeared at her side in full costume. His armor was all made of cardboard, painted metalic silver; his sword of truth was a rubber toy, borrowed from one of the boys; his cape was a long swatch of imitation velvet, in an irritating shade of tangerine that didn't suit him in the least. It was easy to see how he might feel stupid, himself. However, for the purposes a school play, Porom didn't think it was terrible.

"I don't feel stupid," she answered, swishing her frilly, poofy dress around her legs. "A little tight in the chest, I suppose; but I do feel like a the princess of the Gumdrop Kingdom."

"You _are _the Gumdrop Kingdom. I think I'm getting a toothache, just looking at you."

"Palom... Cecil and Rosa are here..."

His violet eyes grew big. "They're going to see me like _this? _My life is over!" he moaned. "What are they doing here?"

"I don't know..."

They went back the curtain and peered out together. They spotted their parents easily, in the row behind their uncle, speaking with him and the king and queen. Not surprising. A group of adults in the robes of the Trader's Guild were seated inconspicuously in the very last row, and they didn't seem excited to be there. A lot of the student body had turned out, which was odd; why they would want to attend a lame play like this was a mystery. And, seated in a neat little line in the second row, was Riza and her club of tattle-tales. They were easy to tell apart from everyone else-all ten or so of them had pencils and notepads in their laps, and several seats on either side of their line were being staunchly avoided. Most of them seemed to be white mages, and as well off as their dictator was.

So... Tonight's work was cut out. This was going to be interesting. Suddenly nervous of clever sabotage, Porom decided to bring Butter inside. It was nearly time to begin, anyway.

Even with the added bulk of the pony, it was thankfully calm backstage. Most of the children were excited and confident, only a few of them really nervous; and everyone had even brought all their costume pieces and props. The only real proboems were the monsters, raging around and getting into character. Two boys-Ranunculus and Dillon-had to be the dragon together, one being the head and the other being the tail. This was slightly bad, because they kept racing around, the sepsrate pieces of their goofy costume strapped together, with rambunctious Ranunculus a poor excuse for a leader, and Dillon charging too fast behind him. They would make an excellently chaotic dragon... If they could make it onstage in one piece...

Other than that minor set back, it looked like the play would go off without a hitch. Which was good, because if Riza had come in person, it meant she was bringing the heat.

And then there was the Elder, who had evidently brought all manner of heat of his own.

All with 15 kids who just wanted to put on a play, and a large, skittish pony onstage.

There were so many ways this could go wrong...

At last, it was time for Porom to give the curtain call, and the children scurried into their places. She herself mounted Butter side-saddle, realizing for the first time just how much too big she was for him: her toes could have touched the ground, and the hem of her bright pink dress certainly did. Hidden in the wings, hoping she wasn't putting too much strain on her pony, she gave a stagehand the sign to bring up the curtain.

As the curtain rose and there was a quick round of applause, Porom took a second to appreciate the kids. They had worked really hard, and were very proud. Each of them stood his or her ground, unafraid of the crowd, reciting their lines as she had instructed. Sne even heard her queue very clearly, and urged Butter to clop out onstage.

For the Gumdrop Princess, there was a warmer round of applause. Porom assumed her character, grinning and waving majestically, and scanned the crowd's reactions. The parents and student body were impressed by her entrance on a whole pony, perhaps a little more optimistic about the next hour or so. The guild members in the back looked amazingly uninterested, applauding with everyone else, because it would look weird they didn't. Her own family-her parents and uncle, and Cecil and Rosa-were all beaming at her, knowing they had caught her eye; the king and queen looked especially touched to see how their gift was being taken care of. Down in the second row, Riza and her club were scribbling furiously in their notebooks, glancing up at her in turns to scowl and shake their heads disapprovingly. But at least they didn't say anything. Yet.

Backstage, awaiting his queue, Palom was pacing in agravation. His cardboard armor made it difficult to move, and he kept stepping on his annoyingly tangerine cape. And he suddenly found he had to go to the bathroom. He hated plays and acting so much in that moment, he thought his head would burst open.

"Why, _here _he is now!"

And there was his queue. Resigning himself to his fate, he tried not to hang his head too much and plodded onstage, hoping that his family were the only people who knew it was him.

_I'm glad the ninja isn't here..._

"Behold, myfair princess, it is I: Sir Harvey, the bravest knight in all the...

He couldn't help it. He couldn't believe he had to say this in front of people. He hung is head, looking depresed.

"...Gumdrop Kingdom..."

On the other side of the stage, Porom was trying to hold a princessly smile, and hoping the audience couldn't tell how pinched it was.

"Is that so?" she remarked in a loud, almost flabbergasted voice, deviating from the script. "You seem none too pleased about your fine title."

A wave of laughter rilpled through the crowd. She knew her face was at least as pink as her dress. Taking the hint to cheer up, for the love of all things, Palom raised his head and brandished his sword with a rather forced smile.

"I _am _pleased with my title," he insisted through gritted teeth. "You were _most _gracious in bestowing it, my lady."

Again, the crowd laughed lightly. Cecil wss grinning, hardly controlling his laughter, and shaking his head lovingly after them. It was just like old times...

"Alas, it is not my title which dampens my spirits, " Palom continued dramatically, veering back to the script at last, "but the plague of these monsters on our land! As your bravest knight, I will go forth and slay these foul beasts, that we may live in peace once again!"

"Fare thee well then, sir knight," Porom called after him, just thankful they were back on track, because the children looked terribly confused, and one of them looked ready to cry. "Remember well these three monsters which plague us: the goblin king fears the light, the sea serpent fears lightening, and the devious, sinister dragon fears the sword-and most especially do they all fear the truth!"

That was the end of the first act. Now Porom had to sit backstage with the peasant actors and Butter, making sure no one crept backstage. One of Riza's friends had slunk out of the auditorium while Palom had been speaking. They boy hadn't returned by the time Porom rode offstage. She hoped he didn't decide to come poking around backstage. She had to keep a whole dragon in line for the next half hour; the last thing she needed was a tattle-tale spy in her way.

For most of the rest of the play, she just sat backstage, listening to her brother reciting his lines in a forced, overly dramatic voice that made it clear how much he hated it. But he stuck to the script, and slayed each monster as planned. The goblin king who hated sunlight was vanquished by a shower of silver glitter. The sea serpent was slain when the sword of truth was used as a makeshift lightening rod. Finally, she hearded Ranunculus and Dillon onstage. She heard Ranunculus bellow menacing threats and ridiculous insults at her brother, and at last heard the boys shriek in overly dramatic anguish as they, too, were destroyed.

Ah, good. It was almost over. Porom climbed on Butter's back a second time, but the pony was sturdy and didn't seem to mind in the slightest. Taking a deep breath and sighing with relief, she and her previous entourage of peasants came back for the finale.

With a smirk she remembered, in the first draft of the script, Bedelia and Harvey had shared a romantic kiss in this scene, and the implication was that they were to be married. And then the children had cast her and Palom in those roles. The script had been hastily rewritten.

She got the feeling that Palom was also on autopilot at this point, reciting from memory as they both scanned the crowd a final time. Everyone seemed pleased-especially the guild members, because the play was wrapping up. But there in the second row... Several seats were empty. The boy from before still had not returned, and Riza had also left. Porom was a little concerned that she couldn't see the younger girl. She could be anywhere...

The brother and sister frequently made eye-contact, communicating more with their faces than anything, that they were both worried, and what were they to do when something inevitably went wrong? _When _would it go wrong?

"The end!"

The children shouted together, and the twins jumped a bit to realize it was actually over. Porom hopped off Butter's back and led him to the edge of the stage, where the cast would give their final bows. But before they had quite made it-

"Bravo, _bravo. Well _done," sneered a voice from the wings. To the entire cast's outrage and confusion, Riza was sidling onstage with her missing friends filing behind her.

"What are you doing?" Palom asked, unimpressed.

"I am going to shut this nonsense dlwn in front of everybody," Riza answered proudly. "All of you, look at this," she demanded, pointing accusingly at oblivious Butter. "Oh, he looks cute and cuddly, but dont be fooled! His very being here is completely illegal! There's a law and everything!"

"Not to mention all the _other _infrations," mentioned a scrawny boy with glasses. He came forward, flipping through his notepad. "Headmaster, bringing a live, illegal animal _inside the school _is only the beginning. Backstage was a wrecking zone-children running, and tripping, and screaming all over the place. Completely out of control! Someone might have gotten hurt. There was at least a mountain of contraband food found, trash all over the place. And more makeup than any seven-year-old ought to own. And this play-so violent, and involving children! This whole thing was an abomination, and they should be ashamed of themselves!"

While Palom and Porom stood paralyzed by the ridiculousness of the acusations, Riza and her freidns nodded vehemently at every offense, occasionally muttering, "Good job," and "That's right."

The headmaster jumped to his feet, looking outraged.

"This is positively absurd," he bellowed. "I allowed the pony inside the school, for the play. I also allowed the children to bring snacks, because children get hungry. As for the makeup-this is a play! All actors wear makeup on stage, boy! Surely, you were aware of all this, because it was so obvious?"

"I..." the boy mummbled, fumbling through his notes. "I have reports filled out for you-"

"Unnecessary. All of you children, get off the stage!"

"But the pony!" Riza insisted loudly. "Elder-your eminence-this animal is completely illegal! Its owners should be arrested!"

As she had spoken, the Elder had stood up and begun making his way forward.

"I am very aware of this matter," he insisted calmly. "I had a feeling this would generate debate, and so I did a bit of research concerning this law. As it turns out, Palom and Porom Faraxhae are in no violation of any sort."

Riza looked like her head might pop off her body.

"...What do you mean?" she insisted tersely. "They purchased an illegal animal! They willingly kept it in their own home-despite our many, _sincere_ and _constructive _warnings-"

"Yes, so I have heard, child. However, study of this rather vague, hastily compiled guideline, produces only mention of horses. And, if you were to pay true attention to details, you would see that this animal is a _pony, _not a horse.

"Further, if you had studied, you would have found that this pony was never _purchased _in the first place; and to that, I can produce witnesses. Masters Tanos and Flora, your majesties, would you rise for me, please?"

Looking simultaneously peeved and alarmed, the guild members slowly stood up. Perhaps finally understanding why they had been invited to this play, Cecil and Rosa also stood up. The rest of the audience gasped in surprise to see that the four had secretly been in attendance.

"My dear guild master,"the Elder continued, "all purchased goods must go through you, before they are delivered to their destinations, yes?"

"That is true," Master Tanos agreed slowly.

"And you never heard any mention of this pony?"

"No, I suppose not. No paperwork ever came into our offices, and the matter was never brought to our attention."

"Which means what, exactly? "

"Apparently, that this animal was not purchased. If it had been, we would have denied its arrival and shipped it back, as per the ban."

"But that's impossible!" Riza fumed. "_Someone _bought it!"

"Indeed," the Elder agreed. "I believetheir majesties, the king and queen of Baron can answer for that. Mylord?"

Cecil blushed a bit. "We've been over this, sir..."

"You were the one who bought this pony, were you not?

Cecil shrugged. "Yes, I was."

"What purpose?"

"As a birthday present, for a young woman we admire very much."

"Then, the pony was merely _shipped _here, not paid for in any way a Mysidian citizen?"

"No, we bought the pony, and paid for its shipment ourselves."

"We didn't know about this law," Rosa added apologetically. "We're so sorry if it caused any trouble."

"Peace, please, my friends," the Elder insisted with a good natured chuckle. "It is, in truth, more of a helpful guideline than an actual law. At any rate, it is such a loose guideline, with so many ways around it, I'm surprised more people don't go monkeying with it."

Turning back to Riza with an odd face, he continued, "I vaguely remember when this law was passed; I was a boy, hardly older than you, girl. If memoryserves correct, it began with a vigilante such as yourself making threats and ludicrous accusations, and eventually setting fire to a man's barn out of spite. And now, thanks to him, we haven't been allowed to keep creatures as harmless as horses in this city, for close to 75 years!

"At any rate, it seems a lot of trouble you've gone to, for the sake of a pony, belonging to a girl you don't even know. Perhaps, from now on, you will look to children your own age to threaten. Children who are too afraid to report you, because you have also threatened to make their lives miserable if they do so, yes?"

While Riza went on blushing angrily, outraged that _she _had gotten in trouble, the headmaster came to stand beside the Elder.

"I've heard quite a lot about your little club, miss Crocker," he said in a most disaproving voice. "It sounds like you terrorize my students more than you help them. And this-"

From his pocket, he produced the phony notice from earlier that day-anonymouslyleft in his office. To the horror of Riza, Larrisa, and Marina, he studied it and read bits of it out loud.

"Cleansing the school... New 'recruits'... Promotions based on 'how many successful reports he can get'-as if this were a child's game... 'Oh, Riza, you are _so _cool. This school would go to _hell _without you.'"

The Elder shook his head.

"Such distasteful ambition. And from a white mage, no less. For shame."

"Agreed," the headmaster said darkly. "The insult-that 13-year-old children believe they can police _my _school better than I can! That they would dare usurp my respinsibilty behind my back. Its gone on quite long enough! Miss Crocker, I am quite please that the lot of you came tonight; it was about time I learned who you were. Now that I know, I have the pleasure of disbanding their little vigilante game, writing to their parents, and levying a fitting and well-overdue detention on every single one of them. Terrorizing my students is bad enough; turning our school functions into sting operations-oh, if only I had known!"

The headmaster was furious, which had everyone (even the guild members) very interested. Even if the children were still confused, it wss the best finale any play had ever seen.

"I can control this school perfectly well on my own, girl and so can my students!" he was carrying on. "Infractions are _mine _to decide on and you have no business in it! If I ever hear a whisoer of your cintinued shenanigans in my school again, I'll have you expelled!"

"I thought you appreciated my help," Riza insisted, sounding angry enough to cry.

"I never cared! I don't care whether a boy is walking too slowl, or if someone has the wrong colored whatever. I dknt care! Nobody cares, and you are a vain, petty child for being so bothered yourself."

Riza gasped, outraged to a new level, and gaped at the headmaster as if he had called her something nasty.

"You will have your detention assigned shortly, young lady," he concluded in a lower voice. "Now take your friends and get off the stage. I believe there was a bow to conduct."

Riza's face crumpled and she stormed off the stage, with the others running after her.

"Riza, sweeitie, its okay," called one of the girls-must have been fawning Larissa. "Everything will be fine! You're so smart, you'll figure this out!"

"I told them this wasn't a good idea," grumbled another girl-possibly blunt Marina.

"But I was in," lamented the boy. "I was _in_!"

The Elder suddenly clapped his hands together loudly. "Well, you two. Now that the unpleasantness is behind us, lets say we see that bow of yours?"

The twins grinned back at him from either end of the line-up, and then they looked down at the children.

"Ready to bow?" Porom asked them.

They all nodded with silent enthusiasm.

Even Butter seemed to get the idea, as he lowrred his shaggy head until nose touched the stage. The applause was amazing, though thentwins got the impression that a lot of it was for the demise of Riza's operation. Oh well. The kids were thrilled that such applause was being thrown at them, so the twins decided at the same time not to spoil it.

_I wonder what kind of detention Riza's going to get?_ Palom wondered, letting the very satisfying thought color his grin a few shades more sincere. He was happy he had stuck the humiliation out after all; not even his tangerine cape could dampen this perfect turn of events.

Porom, feeling every inch as successful as the princess she had just played, scratched Butter behind the ears when they stood again. He bobbed his head in appreciation, still oblivious to the fuss some people had made over him.

"Well, we did it, Butter. You're safe to stay."

As the Faraxhaes walked home together, accompanied by their royal friends, Palom sighed.

"You know... That actually wasn't as terrible as I thought it was going to be. Maybe we should do this again, Porom. Soon."

"You're ridiculous."

"I bet I could even do this for a living!"

"_Ridiculous._"

"I hope you get on that soon, then," Cecil commented. "This was the best school play I've ever been to."

"You've left me hungry for more," Rosa agreed. "We'll be here for the next one."

After smiling back at them, Porom turned to her parents. "Aside from the unpleasantness, what did you think of it?"

"Well," Mira said honestly, "Palom could have worked harder at staying in character. I trust he will know better next time?"

"Yes ma'am."

"Good boy. I could have stood for it being quieter backstage, but I'm sure you did your best, dear; small children can be hard to keep quiet, and I understand. Other than that... Yes, a smashing performance. Well written and well performed, for being done so by children."

"You know, kids," added their father, "sometimes a lengthy critique isn't needed. Sometimes a simple, 'Good job, well done", is all you need to show your appreciatikn. Just to let the artist know that their work was of quality and well valued.

"Therefore, my clever children, good job, and well done. I look forward to more from you soon."

"Yes, yes, it was a marvelous evening," the Elder agreed good naturedly. "Now then, I have a question for young Porom."

"Yes?" she asked hesitantly, wondering what more there was to ask. Her uncle paused briefly with a knowing smile; a vague spark in his eye suddenly gave her an idea, she knew what he wanted.

"I don't suppose you would let an old man have a ride on your valient steed?"

She smiled right back.

"Of course."

Butter the pony was definitely here to stay.


End file.
